Balance your life through Feng Shui

How many of you have heard of Feng Shui? If so, have you ever read about or applied the methods of this ancient philosophy practice in your own life? People that practice this philosophy swear by it.......in today's world many interior design experts and Realtors apply it.... on a personal note,  my wife practices it in our home. 

 

Feng Shui means "Wind and Water" and has its roots in China over 3,000 years ago.  It is a philosophy that millions of people around the world apply to their daily lives.

 

Many people believe in the power of good energy flow, and how it travels through structures, is retained and affects the occupants living or working there. This is the basis for Feng Shui.....many well known celebrities practice Feng Shui, including Bill Gates, Donald Trump, Johnny Depp, Richard Branson, Madonna and Steven Spielberg to name a few.

 

There are so many parts and nuances to this philosophy that it would take a large book or two to describe it all.....for the purposes of keeping this blog length reasonable, I'll give you the basics - simply put, a home that has been Feng Shui'ed, has the following:

 

Good Aesthetics - A home that applies Feng Shui is uncluttered, clean, flows well and feels good.

Balanced elements - There are 5 elements (Wood, Metal, Fire, Water and Earth) that are recognized in the Feng Shui philosophy and their placement is very important in applying Feng Shui -.  Depending on the room type and the location of the room, these elements are applied to the home using a Bagua Chart.

Outer matches your Inner - The living or working environment outwardly reflects what  it is one feels inside.

Qui/Chi - This is good versus bad energy flowing throughout a house  that can affect activity occurring within a home.  There are methods in Feng Shui that slow down fast moving or piercing energy to make the home more relaxing, pleasing to the eye and enjoyable.  The key to Feng Shui is increasing Chi or good energy.

Bagua Chart- This chart divides up our homes into sectors.  Each sector has an affect on different areas of our lives.  Career, Spiritual, Knowledge, Children, Good Fortune, Health, Marriage, Reputation and Wealth.

 

 

 

Correctly applied, it is believed by those practicing Feng Shui that their lives are enriched in the following ways:

 

• Increased wealth

• Better Marriages and Relationships

• Better Health

• Better Reputation

• Increased Knowledge

• Increased Happiness

 

 

 

Other popular elements of Feng Shui include Foo Dogs (placed at entry to protect the home), introduction of plants to divert or slow down the flow of  energy, a number of ceremonial figures and symbols that are placed in key sectors throughout the home, Yin/Yang and "Space Clearing", which eliminates existing/lingering negative energy in the home from prior occupants or prior negative energy from an argument or harmful incident.  Feng Shui can also be applied to other areas where you live your life..... garden/yard  areas, patios and offices.

 

For more information on this very interesting topic:

Web Sites

Lilian Too - considered the top Feng Shui Master  in the world.    http://www.lillian-too.com/

Katie Weber - US Based(Texas)  - writes the Red Lotus Letter http://redlotusletter.com/

 

Books

The Feng Shui Bible (Simon Brown)

Feng Shui your Life (Jayme Barrett)

Feng Shui for Dummies

Control your Destiny

 

"What you are is what you have been. What you'll be is what you do now"

Buddha

 

The decisions and actions that we made in our past define who, what and where we are today.

Reflect for just a moment...what did you do... say... think.... and act upon (or didn't act upon)  in the past that in aggregate defines you and your life today? 

Defines your current job or career?

Defines your current status and net worth?

Defines your current relationships?

Defines your current health?

We all share something in common in life...wherever we are and whoever we are, regardless of our age, our career, our status, our wealth, guess what? 

 

We all have the same amount of time in our day! 

And we all have some "should of,  could of , would of" moments in our life.....I believe it is important that we embrace those moments to reflect and learn from those past decisions, good or bad,  and use them as tools to apply to our present and future decisions.

 

Today, I simply suggest you to take a moment to use what you have absolute control over - your mind - to focus on the consequences of your  decisions,  planning, and actions today...and how those 3 things will  affect your life tomorrow.

 

It's never to late to alter areas in our life need improving in order  to make where we are tomorrow better than today.  We all have dreams and aspirations aligned with what we deem important in life, and time keeps on ticking..... so I encourage you to create or update your personal plan and take action today toward those aspirations and goals that you have set for yourself. 

 

No one else can do it for you.    It's all you.

 

 

Buddha was right...the "Current You" today is made up of your cumulative "yesterdays".

 Consistently applied, the "Future You" will be defined by the planning,  decisions and commitments you make today..... and every day hereafter.

Remember this... nobody can change the past chapters of their life, but starting right now we each have a unique and fantastic opportunity to change the rest of our personal and professional story! 

Fortune Cookies and the wisdom they contain

Today I decided I would blog about something fun....

Whenever I eat Chinese Food, I get a fortune cookie....I have been saving the fortunes I like for about 20 years, and once in a while I pull them out of my wallet and read them.

 

Thought I would share with you the history of the fortune cookie, and my favorite fortune's that I have accumulated over the years.

 

Fact No. 1:          

 

The fortune cookie did not originate in China - it was created here in the  good  'ol  USA!  There are several theories about exactly who created the cookie, but the common thread is all of the tales originate in San Francisco and occur in the period between the late 1800's and early 1900's.  The stories range from inserting thank you notes inside hard biscuits, to a hard flat cookie containing biblical references.

 

Ultimately, the cookie design, a flat piece of dough folded to secure the message prevailed and contained strips of paper inscribed with Chinese wisdom.

 

Fact No. 2:

 

The fortune cookie idea probably came from Chinese origin.  In China during the 13th and 14th centuries,China was occupied by the Mongols.   The Chinese people, desirous of a revolution to free themselves, hid messages inside moon cakes of the coming revolution date and handed these cakes out to revolutionaries in occupied cities.  These cakes were made out of Lotus nut paste, which the Mongols did not like.  The subsequent successful revolution formed the basis for the Ming Dynasty.   and the Chinese to this day celebrate the Moon Festival.  This celebration is associated with the largest full moon of the year and the fall harvest (much like Thanksgiving in America);  this moon cake tale adds an additional dimension and special meaning to this Chinese holiday for those who celebrate it.

 

Fact No. 3

 

Fortune cookies became standard fare in Chinese Restaurants in the 1940's.

 Enough trivia--  here are my absolute favorite fortunes that I have received over the years:

• "Admire those that succeed, and learn from their success"

• "Discontent is the first step in the progress of a man or a nation"

• "People may doubt what you say but they will believe what you do"

• "You will continue to take chances and be glad you did"

• "A partnership shall prove successful for you"

• "You are extremely generous and are always thinking of others"

• "You will do better in Real Estate than in stocks"

• "Today is a lucky day for those who remain cheerful and optimistic"

• "Opportunity knocks on your door every day.  Answer it."

• "Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed"

• "You will make a change for the better"

• "If a true sense of value is to be yours, it must come through service"

• "Let your reach exceed your grasp"

• "You will make a fortune with your friend"

 

By the way, I rarely eat the cookie.  I like the prize much better!

 

Have a great week!

  

Eliminate Worry to Increase Happiness in your Life!

“Never let the future disturb you. You will meet it, if you have to, with the same weapons of reason which today arm you against the present.”
― Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

Worry is thinking about future things that could go wrong in our lives.

I am guilty---I catch myself all the time worrying about things I have no control over, and more importantly, things that probably will never happen.

Why is this?  What is it in our psyche that causes us to needlessly worry about family, work, friends, finances, health, events or other circumstances in our lives?

As best as I can ascertain, people that worry do so  because they have a mindset that on occasion focuses on the negative...they focus on the things they don't want to happen versus focusing on the things they do want to happen.

By extension -- do those negative thoughts encourage those very things we worry about to actually manifest and happen in our lives?

 

Worry versus Concern

 

I want to make one quick distinction...is what you are thinking about a worry or a concern?  They are two very different things...concern is the more logical of the two...it is first and foremost a thought not an emotion, and requires real  knowledge of a situation, an understanding there may be a problem, and a analytical process to back it up.  Concern is followed by action or a thought-out solution to the issue.....worrying on the other hand is an emotion and has none of those elements.

Concerns are a natural part of our lives, and are valid and beneficial ...Worry is abstract and baseless and is invalid and harmful to us and those around us.

See the difference?  read on.....

 “Whatever is going to happen will happen, whether we worry or not.”
― Ana Monnar

Effects of Over-Worrying

Much like other emotions like fear, over-worrying can damage us both mentally and physically and is a big culprit in reducing our quality of life, optimism and happiness.

 

According to WebMD, worry affects sleep habits, can cause eating disorders, contributes to anxiety, stress and panic attacks and contributes to bad health habits such as overeating, smoking and the use of drugs and alcohol as external solutions to try to deal with the emotion. 

 

Worrying can also have a huge effect on relationships, self confidence and job performance.

How to change your mindset to eliminate worry

1. Live in the present and if you are thinking beyond today, apply logic to your thought process, set goals and have a well-designed plan for your future.

2. Deal with issues or problems as they surface, with action or effort, not worry or inaction.

3. If you catch yourself worrying mindlessly about future events, stop yourself by thinking or doing something in the present.

4. Ignore or discount the trivial things that do not matter to you or your life.

5. Write down those things that worry you, and objectively think them through, one by one.  By doing so, you disable the control those things have over you.

 

How would your life be different if…You stopped worrying about things you can’t control and started focusing on the things you can? Let today be the day…You free yourself from fruitless worry, seize the day and take effective action on things you can change.”

― Steve Maraboli

 

Overcoming Fear

Do not let your fears choose your destiny. ~ Unknown

Fear is a fact of life for most of us...whether we fear things like snakes, spiders, sharks, heights, airplanes, clowns....... or things more abstract like failure, change, social environments,  public speaking or certain situations,  fear can be overcome to enhance our lives and make us more successful at work, at home and at play.

This article focuses on the fear that causes inaction, sets up failure and limits our belief in our self and what we believe we can accomplish in life.

What is fear, and what causes it?

Fear is defined as "a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc..whether the threat is real or imagined." Synonyms include apprehension, dismay, dread, terror, fright and panic. (source Dictionary.com).  Basically, fear is a phobia.

Read the definition again...the part that sticks out to me is "real or imagined"  especially "imagined"....why is that?  Because many of our fears are just that...imagined! 

That being said, the reality is that the fear emotion (regardless if the cause is real or imagined) in our day to day lives is very real to those experiencing it, and as a result, our bodies react to it ...fear can trigger panic, anxiety, a desire to run away from it to avoid it.  Physically, fear can trigger a higher heart rate, sweating, and high adrenaline levels (Source: about.com).

So how does one determine whether the fear they are experiencing is real or imagined? How does one's reaction to the impending threat affect their decision making abilities and more importantly, how does someone turn this extremely strong emotion into an asset versus a liability?

To use fear as the friend it is, we must retrain and reprogram ourselves. We must persistently and convincingly tell ourselves that the fear is here–with its gift of energy and heightened awareness –so we can do our best and learn the most in the new situation.

Peter Williams

Fear limits our possibilities and opportunities in life because we want to stay in a "safe place"-- stay within our known surroundings where we are most comfortable and where no harm can come to us.

As a result, we may not take the risks associated with improving our lives, whether the fear relates to our recreation,our relationships or our careers.  Commiting to taking risks to do things that we are not comfortable doing shows courage,builds confidence,  makes us more productive, and expands our abilities and horizons in life.

"If you never ask, the answer is always "No"

Tackling fear and venturing into the unknown puts us in a heightened state of awareness and creates excitement.   When we do something that we initially had feared, there is substantial satisfaction because although initially we feared it, we decided the fear was not going to limit us, and we did whatever it was we were afraid of.......and survived it!   Not to say mistakes weren't made along the way, but the mistakes we make along the way teach us --they are definitely worth the experience!

Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy. ~Dale Carnegie

In order to grow we have to try new things--doing what we fear is exhilarating, builds courage, heightens our awareness and exposes us to new people, situations and experiences that otherwise we would never experience.

Don't limit what your can be by bowing to your fears.  Conquering our fears in life allows us to grow beyond what we ever imagined! 

 

The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one. ~ E Hubbard

Forgiveness- Eliminate resentment and anger from your life!

In life, bad and rotten things happen to all of us (or by extension, our family or friends) at one time or another, and we may to this very day harbor bad thoughts or feelings for others that may have harmed us or those we love.

It could be one of a million things -  a loan not repaid, a trust betrayed, a theft,  a lie, a physical fight, feelings that were damaged -- or worse.  As a natural response, we hold a grudge for the perpetrators, vowing never to forgive them for what they did. We are angry, sad, and want justice or retribution!

All of these ill feelings remain in our conscious and subconscious minds, weighing us down with anger and unhappiness....I think you will agree it is not a good place to be. 

I am suggesting that we simply clear out those angry and unhappy thoughts ....let them go.... remove them.... but not lose the lesson learned from them.  Forgiving does not mean forgetting; there is a clear difference, and we should all learn from every circumstance- good and bad - in our lives and apply our knowledge accordingly.

 

“The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget.”

― Thomas Stephen Szasz

There are real life consequences for having to carry a bagful of memories that weigh down on our our happiness, and our health....the burden of not being able to forgive makes one cautious, withdrawn and unhappy...as I stated above, it's a sad place to be. It can have an impact on relationships, work, family and a host of other things....Instead, commit to releasing the burden and the weight of those bad/sad/damaging thoughts; clear your mind, clear your heart by forgiving those things in the past that damaged you.

“Anger makes you smaller, while forgiveness forces you to grow beyond what you are.”

― Cherie Carter-Scott


Maybe there are some things have happened in your life that are just, in your mind,  unforgivable.  Just not worth giving up the burden that you must carry on a daily basis because the situation is just too grave.  If that is the case, remember this -- none of us can change the past.  We can however, shape today and our future starting right now by forgiving those people, really forgiving them in our heart, releasing the burden, lifting the weight and clearing our minds and bodies of the past ---clear your list today for a better tomorrow!


P.S.  Don't forget to forgive yourself for all of the above reasons!!

Please email me with your comments, stories, ideas or article or links to topics.

gregg.mason.rm@gmail.com

Motivation - We all need a daily dose!

“You can't build a reputation on what you are going to do.”

― Henry Ford

Motivation is a word used quite a bit when it comes to personal and professional development.  From, losing weight, exercising more or quitting smoking on the personal side of our life.... to closing a sale, going for the promotion or creating that new product or service or company on the professional side of our life, there is something inside all of us that gets us up in the morning, and readies us up for our days activities, whatever they may be.

Of course those days turn into weeks, months and years...ultimately leading us down the path we have selected in our lives. 

So, given the same level of needs or desires among different individuals, why are some more effective at achieving their goals in life than others? 

Before we explore the answer, let's look at the definition of"Motivation".

Motivation is defined as "the psychological feature that arouses an organism to action toward a desired goal, and elicits, controls and sustains certain goal-directed behaviors. It can be a driving force that compels or reinforces an action toward a desired goal, with roots in behavioral, cognitive and social areas".  (Source: Wikipedia)

Simply put -  If you have a need or a want, you take action to get or achieve it.

"Action" is the key difference between those that do and those that want to do but don't commit to the "action" part of the equation.  I'm referring to "Thinkers" or "Wanters" versus "Doers" or "Executors"....one can be a thinker-- we all have to do that part-- however if a thought has no action behind it, it's just a thought.

Add "action" to the equation, and things start happening.  We all have heard the term," every action creates a reaction" and that is so true in everything we do in life.

We exercise and the result is we initially become sore but ultimately our body starts reacting by firming up, we get more energy, we get stronger, feel better about ourselves, etc....

We close the sale, we get rewarded monetarily, get recognized, and confirm to our self and others that we have what it takes to consistently contribute to the revenue of our company......

We commit to invest, we start receiving income from our investments, which augments our salary and assists us financially throughout our working lives and retirement......

It's a cause and effect scenario.  It's really that simple.

Of course motivation is not permanent. But then, neither is bathing; but it is something you should do on a regular basis.”

― Zig Ziglar,

Have you ever tried to motivate others?  I'm sure you know it is darn near impossible.. why is that?

 It's because all we can do as bosses, parents, friends and authority figures in someone else's life is give them the tools to motivate them...offer the bonus when a sale occurs, time off once a project is completed, a treat when homework is done....but human nature is that we are all self-motivated individuals.  WE have to want or need something in order to create that mindset that we are willing to put forth our own personal plan (thought and action) to achieve it.  Otherwise guess what....it doesn't happen.  It's just a dream, just another idea with no effort behind it.  I truly believe in life we all mean to do it, but something comes up, we don't get around to it, we are tired, drained, stressed, too busy, etc.......that mindset my friends is exactly what separates the doers and the successful from the dreamers and the slackers.

Nobody can do that for us, how can we expect to do it for others?  There is an old saying "you can lead a horse to water but you cannot make him drink it".  It rings true with individuals as well.

Are you hungry?

Are you thirsty?

Is it a fire that burns you up inside?

How bad do you want it?

How bad do you need it?

Are you eating, sleeping, dreaming

With that one thing on your mind?

How bad do you want it?

How bad do you need it?

Cause if you want it all

You've got to lay it all out on the line”

― Tim McGraw, Tim McGraw: Like You Were Dying

Being true to yourself

"ALWAYS BE A FIRST-RATE VERSION OF YOURSELF, INSTEAD OF A SECOND-RATE VERSION OF SOMEBODY ELSE"

Judy Garland

We arrive into this world as unique individuals born with different talents, different beliefs and different looks and personalities, yet throughout our lives we are exposed to external societal, religious, social, entertainment and family-based influences that may not be aligned with our core fundamentals and beliefs.

As a result,  some people wind up being in the precarious situation (and realization) that the person who others perceive them to be really just isn't them at all, which is sad....

The questions we should ask ourselves are:

Is it more important to us regarding how others perceive us or is it more important as to how we perceive ourselves?

Does one (perception) affect the other? 

Is not being true to ourselves worth the sacrifice in favor of a misguided perception of us by others? 

Being true to yourself means to act in accordance with who you are and what you believe,  not aligning your looks, your thoughts your core fundamentals or your beliefs with others to fit a certain perception of who you are or should be (credit :essential life skills . net).

How it happens

Think about the external influences in your life growing up and as an adult....weren't there influences and some pressure to get good grades, dress a certain way, act and look a certain way, etc....same with school age friends.... and as teenagers many of us had the social desire to "fit in" with a group we wanted to be a part of for whatever reason.  Did we sometimes sacrifice our persona to appear to be somebody we weren't? 

                                                     Do we still?

What do our clothes, our weight, our hair, our kids and our lifestyle say to others about us?  Where did we get those desires to be a certain way, and.... does what we think we want to be really align with who we  are as individuals?    To some of us, possibly...to others of us maybe not! 

The key to being true to yourself is to respect and love who YOU ARE, not be the type of person that willingly fits into a mold of what others want them to be.

Be true to yourself.  Sounds simple enough, doesn't it?  In reality,many times it is not...however, once you decide in your heart of hearts that absolutely NOTHING is worth sacrificing your unique, individual self for - guess what?

It becomes so.

"You were born an original.  Don't die a copy"

John Mason

The Art of Perseverance

"Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success before they gave up"

Thomas A. Edison

Perseverance.....

                  Persistence.....

                                            .....the ability to be vigilant in seeing things through, hanging in there, being committed to your end goal, and working through obstacles or discouragement is a valuable tool when applied to your life. 

In an earlier blog I wrote about decisions in our life.  In this entry, I am writing about a dogged commitment to an action, end result or goal once you've made that decision.

I believe that in life we all are presented opportunities....in our education, our careers and our personal relationships. I also believe that those that seize those opportunities, and see them through, are the most successful, the most confident, the most content and the happiest in life. 

Accomplishments are a wonderful thing for our persona...they give us power, energy and the confidence that we can do more!

But accomplishments have a price -- there is an opportunity cost in everything we do, whether it be our time, our money or our relationships and the key is to focus our energies on those things we deem important and add value to our life. Our life today is the aggregate result of the successes and defeats we have experienced along our chosen path, both personally and professionally.

I'm not going to sugarcoat this topic -- at times it will be very tough for some of you on your journey....whatever your goal, there will be roadblocks, setbacks, frustration, sabotage and possibly those around you that (for whatever reason) believe you can't accomplish what you have set out to tackle and are destined to fail. 

 

This my friends, is what perseverance is all about.....proving to yourself and to others, that you CAN do it! 

"Continuous effort - not strength or intelligence- is the key to unlocking our potential"

Winston Churchill

Is it ever to late?  No - there's always tomorrow.  However, if you start today, tomorrow will be the SECOND day that you will have been working toward whatever it is you hope to accomplish. 

Once you start something, be committed to finish it.  Work through the obstacles and persevere!!

 

 

"Never confuse a single defeat with a final defeat"

F. Scott Fitzgerald

 

Please feel free to email me with your comments, stories, ideas or article or links to topics.

gregg.mason.rm@gmail.com

Personal Magnetism AKA Personal Power

"Charm is the quality in others that makes us more satisfied with ourselves"

Henri Frederic Amiel


I have always been impressed and admired people I know and people that  I meet who have a certain aura about them that causes others to take notice, listen, admire and respond to that person.  Those people have what I refer to as "a magnetic personality". 

What exactly is personal magnetism?


Personal magnetism is defined as "a personal attractiveness or interestingness that enables you to influence others".
source:TheFreeDictonary.com


Have you noticed that there are those in your circle of friends and acquaintances at school, at work and at play that others follow and want to be around, all the while intently listening to every word that comes out of their mouths?  I refer to these types of people as  "influencers/ leaders", and for whatever reason,  they have amazing command over their friends, their teachers, their co-workers, their clients and their audience.

They exude what I call  "Personal Power". 

In our day to day lives we are exposed to these types of people...I happen to believe personal magnetism is a synonym for charm or charisma, and that the Law of Attraction is somehow involved.

Personal power sources may be physical beauty, intelligence, talent, poise, confidence,  self-discipline, wisdom, wealth or a combination of some or all of these...what I am referring to is part of someones persona...it seems that it is a natural trait that isn't faked and is ingrained in personality and character.

So who are these people with personal magnetism?

Actors, authors, singers, lawyers, doctors, business owners, sports professionals, salespeople, real estate moguls, teachers, Fortune 500 CEO's and politicians are the most obvious.....but these people can also be housewives, students and middle managers... ..the reality is that these types of people are usually admired by others regardless of what they do for a living!.

You might be wondering....is magnetism natural (you either are born with it or you aren't)  or can it be learned? 

It's actually both--I believe most of us have  the propensity for personal magnetism but it may need to be either developed or refined (in other words,  self improvement is involved).  My observation is that those people that possess this asset practice using it and improving upon it on a regular basis, are self disciplined, confident in their abilities, well groomed, strive for constant improvement in themselves and their appearance, have high expectations of themselves and others, and are poised, polished and consistent in their appearance, approach, beliefs and actions.

Personal magnetism is real and is influential in our day to day lives, and if used properly, can assist you in getting what you want in life.   There are those of us that may not have been born with all of  the attributes that I've described above, or have not committed the time developing and strengthening their personal magnetism.

While not  everyone desires this trait, if you are interested in developing or strengthening your personal  magnetism, I encourage you to check online resources  (search under "personal magnetism" or "personal power"),  or check out the CD Mastery Program by Tony Robbins entitled "Personal Power" or "Personal Power II".

Please feel free to email me with your comments, stories, ideas or article or links to topics.

gregg.mason.rm@gmail.com

Decisions determine our Destiny

There is a saying, "If you do what you've done, you'll get what you got"....in other words, habits and mindsets need to change to create different results in our lives, or where we are at tomorrow will be where we were yesterday

It's a new year, and many of us are making resolutions to make ourselves and our lives better in 2013 and beyond.

.

I can think of no better resolution in the New Year than to make a commitment to ourselves to take responsibility for 4 things in our lives:

1) Health (Physical and Spiritual)
2) Financial Well Being
3) Success in our careers
4) Strengthening Family/Friends Relationships

Try to commit to these 4 things  from this day forward.  No more blaming, no more excuses- just your decision to commit to yourself that whatever comes your way, whatever happens, it's up to you to resolve it and you will hereafter take full responsibility for the decisions you make and the consequences that follow.

Or...... you can live with everything as it has been (and will remain to be) by doing nothing about it.

Sounds like a lot, I know, but the day you start doing those 4 things is the day you start a progression in your life path that will take you to the place you want to be!

                        "Not to decide is to decide"

When you think about it and break it down, where we are today as individuals is not only a culmination of life experiences, it's also a culmination of decisions....decisions to work/ not work, decisions to take the job we are in,  to apply for that promotion or start that business, decisions regarding our job performance, our education, whether to spend money, incur debt, save,  to rent or own our house, where to live,  how long we keep our cars, to travel,  .....you get my gist... 

Ponder this...would you agree that for every action there are consequences, both good and bad? Since we are the most intelligent animals on earth, you would think that once we make a bad decision we learn from it and never repeat it,  right?  Not necessarily........

It is expected in society that as adults we will be responsible in our decision making --we all make our bed so we sleep in it, right?  I think you'll agree - in day to day life it's easier said than done!  The reason?  In a nutshell, I attribute repeating our bad decisions to not thinking the consequences of our actions through (well enough) to make a better or at least different decision.



So how do es one set everything up so that life goes their way and changes occur?

 I believe it is in each decision we make.  ....and we make dozens to hundreds of decisions daily  regarding our job, our finances , our family, our relationships, our food, our driving,etc....so, for every decision, it either winds up as either a bad decision or a good decision. And these decisions cumulatively determine our health,our appearance,  our wealth, our careers, our relationships and ultimately, our happiness.

It's not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are.

Roy E. Disney

Sam Walton, the founder of Walmart was interviewed by a student for a school project, and when the student asked Sam why he was so successful, he replied " I made good decisions"....puzzled and a bit frustrated by the short response, the student probed a bit deeper...how did you make such good decisions?   Sam Walton replied " I learned from my bad decisions".  Not a very long interview, but the lesson was invaluable!  Experience taught him how to make good decisions!

 Folks, we all learn from experience.  Apply yours, commit to yourself starting right now regarding your future decisions in the 4 areas mentioned earlier, take full responsibility for them and wake up to a better tomorrow!


Please feel free to email me with your comments, stories, ideas or article or links to topics.

gregg.mason.rm@gmail.com

Friendships versus Acquaintances

 

" A friend is one who walks in when others walk out"

  Walter Mitchell

It occurred to me recently while I was at a party hosted by a friend of mine and his family that true friendships are very valuable (and very rare indeed) in life.  I have known my friend Jeff since I was 17 years old.   I was a freshman in college, and we pledged a fraternity together, he taught me to snow ski, and we were roommates when I got engaged.  He was in my wedding in 1982.  I am now 52 and here I was in his house, yucking it up with him and several other friends I have known just as long like no time had passed and we had seen each other yesterday!  I am happy to say that Jeff is, and always has been a "true friend".  He has stayed in touch although he moved to the east coast years ago, and my wife and I were fortunate to attend his wedding years later.

Beyond Jeff, we are blessed with many friends that meet the standards of true friendship, and we value, cherish and hold tightly onto each and every relationship.  We are social creatures, and we desire and hold precious the social aspect of our lives.  In our quest for new friends, we sometimes come across people that we want to believe are true friends, but under closer examination, they unfortunately aren't.

True Friendship

What do I mean by true friendships?  I define them as those people that you meet in life who accept you for what you are, never judge you, never take you down perilous paths or get you to "fall off the wagon" with struggles in your life like losing weight,quitting smoking, a bad relationship, etc....   Instead, they always are there to lend an ear if needed; they encourage you and are there to make you feel better about yourself and your life- not worse.  Don't get me wrong...a true friend is blatantly honest and will tell you what you need to hear because they care for you and are trying to steer you n the right direction.

True friends are always happy for you with your life's successes - not jealous, and will be the first to congratulate you and will want to get together to celebrate your success.   Regardless of social stature, net worth, looks, religion, age or gender, a true friend and you share a very strong bond, usually from having commonality in many core personal beliefs such as trust, integrity, honesty and not trying to be something or someone you are not.......in many ways a true friend is a reflection of all we hold valuable in life, and ethically, what we believe is right and wrong.  Friends can be totally opposite, but for some reason they find each other....quoting the great Jim Morrison " A friend is someone who gives you total freedom to be yourself".  I believe that in order for true friendships to survive and thrive they must be  balanced, with a equal amount of "deposits and withdrawals" in the relationship. 

Acquaintances

An "acquaintance" on the other hand, may seem like a friend, but they just don't meet the litmus test when it comes to those characteristics that define a true friend.  How do you tell the difference, and if you have to or need to deal with them, how you should act and how much information about you and your life should you share when they are around? 

Anyone can be a true friend or an acquaintance. Which category do those you know  fall into? 
Some questions to ask yourself about whether someone is just an acquaintance and not a true friend:

1. Does that person come to mind when you need somebody to talk to?
2. Does that person ever appear jealous regarding you or things you share in your life?
3. Is that person ever condescending?
4. Does that person ever try to sabotage goals you have made for yourself in life?
5. Does that person make an effort to reach out to you when you are struggling and offer frank, heartfelt advise as to how to deal with the issue?
6. Does that person talk about you in a negative way to others?
7. Do you and that person share the same beliefs and core values?
8. Do you trust that person?
9. Do you have to be guarded with information about yourself when dealing with them?
10. Does that person make you feel good when you are around them?

Spend a few moments to think about those in your life.....you may have a spouse or significant other, kids, parents or grandparents,  co-workers, former or current classmates,  neighbors, or someone you have met through another friend, at a party, at the gym or at church.   As you start to analyze those on your list, apply the above questions to figure out who is a true friend.  Once you are able to discern that, you will know who should matter the most to you in life and conversely, those who may be damaging you in your relationship that you might want to consider distancing or guarding yourself from.  There is a word called " Frienemy"...defined as "an enemy disguised as a friend or someone who is both a friend and a rival" that may fit some of your acquaintances.

Just as important, think about how others may perceive you as a friend....if they made your list did you make theirs? 

That being said,  acquaintances are part of life, we all have them, and they can be fun to hang around with on occasion.  They may be a convenience or a necessity in our day to day lives, which is OK as long as we understand their role and apply applicable interaction limitations  to those types of relationships.

"Friends make the bad times good and the good times unforgettable"

Kustandwizdom


Please feel free to email me with your comments, stories, ideas or article or links to topics.

gregg.mason.rm@gmail.com