How to deal with Difficult People

Difficult people, unreasonable people, mean people.

 

We all know them -- they may be friends, family members, co-workers, customers or total strangers... It doesn't matter. We have the ongoing challenge of having to deal with them in our daily lives.

 

Since we have  deal with these types of people, then we have to learn and employ methods that will assist us in our dealings with these types of people.  So what can we do to make our interactions more bearable, less belittling and more productive?

 

Before I answer that question, I want to delve into just what happens to many of these individuals in their lives that makes them so bitter, cruel and in some cases, just plain mean, difficult and a pain to be around.

 

I have a theory--and that is these types of people are the way they are  because of  (I) narcissism and (2)past environment / past experiences.  In many cases these people appear outwardly tough, but in actuality many are fragile inside due to lack of confidence in themselves, mistrust in others and emotional trauma. 

 

If you have ever met a narcissist, you know its always about them...what they want, what they think is right, wrong, best, important, etc....they are not concerned about what it is you need or want, or the team, family, company needs or wants, they are concerned about what they need and want, and will not hesitate stepping on or around others to get it.  Many of these types of people are extremely intelligent, and that is why after a discussion with one of these people we sometimes  feel belittled, unimportant and upset, since personal attacks are one tool these people use to get what they want.

 

Regarding the past environment of these types of people, it would not be surprising to learn that they may have  been verbally abused at some point in their life by parents and family, classmates or coworkers.  Or,  it could be an entitlement thing, where they were waited on hand and foot growing up and were handed everything they wanted and as a result answer to no one....except themselves.  Or, it could be that their focus and standards are so high for themselves that they don't realize that everyone else is different than they are, so they come across as intimidating.

 

Regardless of the reason some people choose to be difficult or mean, many times the affront we see before us  is a carefully designed and calculated image these people want to project to others in order to protect them from future harm.  In a sense, their difficult personality is really their "force field" that keeps others from harming them.

 

So the big question is -- how do we deal with these types of people?

 

 

Listed below are five methods that may help in interacting with difficult people ---these methods are designed to enable us to manage our actions (and our responses) and to quell the frustration so common with these interactions.

 

1) Prepare yourself.  As I stated above, these types of people can be very smart, and you can bet they do their homework to back up their agenda --so do yours and approach communications with matter-of fact assurance, especially against these types.

 

2) Communications.  Use the subject in discussion, not first person.  For example instead of saying "You were supposed to have that report to me last week", say "The report was due last week".  See the difference?  It is not perceived as a personal attack by the recipient, although everyone involved knows who is responsible.

 

3) Be tough.  If someone has crossed a line with you, belittled you or made you look bad in front of others when they should have pulled you aside to discuss something one-on-one, confront them about it.  Let them know their behavior is unacceptable to you and that you do not appreciate it.   This does not always work, but most will think twice the next time...and at the very least they will secretly respect you for standing up to them.

 

4) Show empathy and understanding.  No-- I'm not joking...this is extremely hard to do, especially if you do not like the person, but many of these difficult personalities may have experience, ideas or knowledge that you lack.  So realize that if you can achieve a mindset not to take things they say or do personal, and as a result are able to tap into their knowledge or ideas,  your reward will be self-enrichment.

 

 

 

5) Avoidance.   Sometimes nothing works.... after trying everything you can think of, either just walk away or aim for total avoidance.

Remember to always Be Yourself --never, never,  E  V  E  R   go down to their level.  Employ patience and logic, humility, understanding and try not to accuse and  remember that it is up to each of us to assure that any interactions or communications we are involved in with anyone are reasonable and calm,  not emotionally-charged shouting matches. 

Please email me with any comments or suggestions regarding my blog - Gregg.mason.rm@gmail.com

 

Conquer Life's Challenges!

 

The greater the obstacle, the more glory in overcoming it.

Moliere

 

Challenges in life...we all have them, and yet we deal with them in different ways..... some of us get wrapped around the axle, stressed out and not sure how to proceed with the obstacle or issue at hand,  while others seems to tackle obstacles and issues head on with focus and what seems to be an ease of effort.

 

Just what are those individuals doing when faced with challenges in their life that allow them to readily acknowledge, address and conquer obstacles when they arise? 

The answer is they act upon whatever obstacles arise with thoughtful review, planning and execution.  They make a conscious decision to proceed with their plan based upon their understanding of the issue and then...... they do it.

 

Regardless of age, experience or knowledge, there are things we can all do when faced with a challenge or obstacle that will allow us to gather resources, create a plan of attack and resolve it with more focus and ease.

 

1.  Acknowledge its Existence:  Write the issue or obstacle down, and acknowledge its existence. 

 

2.  Worst Case Scenario:  Write down what you believe will happen if you do not address the issue.  Will there be a loss to you that really matters in your life, such as loss of a job or promotion, loss of  integrity or respect, loss of a relationship, financial loss or loss of something physical, like a house or a car?  Or after reviewing the worst case, is it not a serious issue...a loss you either do not care about or you consider it minor enough not to respond == Remember the book series  "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff"?

 

3.  Create a Response Plan:  Write down what you think it will take to resolve the issue, and if there is more than one way, list all possible alternatives that you can think of (including doing nothing).

 

4.  Rely on Good Resources: Tap into resources you will need to address the issue (i.e. money, research,  people with knowledge).

 

5. Choose a Response and ACT:  Select the alternative that makes the most sense to you, aligns with your values and that you can execute given your particular set of circumstances.

 

6. Maintain Control of your Response Plan:  Review throughout the process to see whether your chosen response is working and adjust if needed.  Did the plan work?  Trust me -- not all will, but the failures will teach us and make us better --that's called experience.

  

“Challenges in life can either enrich you or poison you.

  You are the one who decides.”  

  Steve Maraboli

 

Simply put, it's all about us controlling the issue/obstacle versus allowing it to control us. 

 

Action is the key.... your ability in dealing with life's obstacles will improve and your reactions will be calmer if you tackle the challenges with understanding and a well devised response plan.

 

The Value of Family

 

 

About a month ago, I went to a family reunion for my mother's side of the family, held in a little lake town outside of Austin Texas.  We flew to Houston from Sacramento, drove to Austin, and I was excited with anticipation in getting to see aunts, uncles and cousins -  many of whom  I had not seen since childhood.

 

Why am I writing about this?  Because the trip was a reminder about why I am who I am....  a large determinant of who we are is where we came from our roots --and being around family again reminded me that my environment while growing up in many ways had an influence on who I am today.

 

The event was fun and somewhat emotional at the same time-- I really connected with several of our relatives-- Besides the typical hugs, stories, meeting the families, reminiscing, we also talked about and remembered our Grandfather, the common denominator to us all, and those family members no longer with us --including 2 of my mothers siblings and my younger brother, who passed away way too young from cancer. 

 

My biggest takeaways from the reunion, after being around my family after all these years were:

 

1).  Leave your ego and critical eye at the door....family is a "safe haven"-- around our relatives we all get to be our self, without having the need to promote how successful we are, what we have, what we do, etc....most family members accept you for who you are and love you unconditionally without the need to promote your life's successes.  Conversely, you don't get to choose your family, so try to accept all in your family circle for who they are without a critical eye. 

 

2).  Traits....we all have personalities and as well idiosyncrasies about us that we cannot explain. After the reunion we spent 4 days with my half-brother in Houston (same dad, different mom) and my wife was continually laughing about traits that he and I share even though (excepting a few years when we were very young) we never grew up together.

 

3) Commonality...our ancestors are the common ground that links us.  Having been born in Texas, and seeing that most of my relatives on both sides of my family still live there (and that most have never lived anywhere else) it is interesting to note that even without the influence after age 9 of growing up in Texas that I fit right in with the local culture -- with the exception of drink preferences...not a big fan of sweet tea - I prefer mine unsweetened, and they just do not know how to make a proper martini in Mexican restaurants in Houston!

 

4) Connect and stay connected....at the end of the reunion, we all promised to stay in touch and to schedule the next one, and visit each other when possible.  Facebook, Facetime, Skype and cell phones/texting make it easier than ever to stay in touch.  One thing we all discussed is how time seems to fly by so quickly, and that it is so easy to get caught up in life and lose contact with those in your family circle.

 

It's a sad thing that some people don't make the effort to reach out to their family, both immediate or extended, as often as they could or should.  Some relatives in my family are like that and I just don't understand why.....

 

Family is personal;  family is safety and security;  family is love; family is understanding and support. 

 

Who wouldn't want that in their life?

 

Also remember even though this article is based upon my recent encounter with blood relatives, that "family" is not always defined as a relative.

 

Commit to reach out to your "family" today, and regularly if you don't already.......could be a phone call, or an invite on Facebook or to a Bar-B-Que if they are local.... a single commitment to act will enrich your life!

Integrity - N E V E R compromise yours!

Integrity has no need of rules.”
― Albert Camus

 

Integrity takes a lifetime to build .........and a moment to lose.  

 

It is defined by Wikipedia as "the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; moral uprightness and moral character."

Integrity is one of those "key" core personal values I hold deep in my own heart and fiercely strive to protect whenever it seems threatened. We are all usually moving pretty fast both professionally and in our personal lives, and along our life path situations continuously pop up that test our moral character.  It could be that we are selling something, including ourselves,  or it could be that we are placed in a position of having to make a decision that will have an impact on the outcome of a situation that will affect us or others around us.   I believe integrity is something all people of strong character do not sacrifice for any one or any thing --for it defines who they are and what they stand for.   “There is no such thing as a minor lapse of integrity” ― Tom Peters So how does one gauge Integrity and Moral Character?  The salient points to ask yourself and to apply to others to determine personal levels of integrity are:   Consistent commitment to being trustworthy.   Consistent ability to accomplish what one commits to.   Consistently fair and honest with one's self and others.   Consistently takes responsibility for mistakes without trying to blame the situation on circumstances or on others.   Consistently assures decisions made are  "the right thing to do",  even though the outcome may not be enriching and may even be harmful.   Take a moment and ponder your family, friends, coworkers, employer.....do they meet the standards of integrity based upon the above questions? Does the level of integrity when applied to people you know affect your level of trust in that person?    Do others see those qualities in you?    “If you want to know what a man's like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals.” ― J.K. Rowling,   It is very difficult and uncomfortable for someone who has integrity to associate regularly with someone who does not.  Nobody likes a dishonest person--you can't trust them and they are flaky.  They also tend to put us on guard because usually they possess narcissistic personalities and whatever they are telling us is usually designed to enhance themselves in one form or another.   “If it is not right do not do it; if it is not true do not say it.” ― Marcus Aurelius, Meditations   I've mentioned it before, but I belong to a group called Rotary International, who has 1.2 million members around the world.  Rotary does much good, like being very close to eradicating polio in our world, but the main reason I joined was that every Rotarian commits to live their life by the Four Way Test of the things we think, say and do.   Is it the TRUTH? Is it FAIR to all concerned? Will it build GOODWILL and BETTER FRIENDSHIPS? Will it be BENEFICIAL to all concerned? I absolutely love doing business with Rotarian's and becoming friends with them because of the above four reasons -- it's a no-brainer.     Remember this -- integrity is something all  people of strong character never sacrifice for any one or any thing --for it defines who they are and what they stand for.   We are all going to be dealt circumstances in our life that will test our character.  Don't ever give up your integrity in favor of an "easy out" or to achieve personal enrichment.... for the hefty price you will wind up paying is a loss within yourself that, once compromised, is very, very hard to regain.

Liked! view quote Share on Twitter Likes the quote "I believe in integrity. Dogs have it. Humans are sometimes lacking it."     always post: reviewsuser statuses     Please email me with any comments or suggestions regarding my blog. gregg.mason.rm@gmail.com

Self Sabotage - Nip it in the bud!

Sabotage is defined by Wikipedia, as "a deliberate action aimed at weakening another entity through subversion, obstruction, disruption or destruction. 

 

Synonyms are to weaken, subvert, undermine, damage, destroy, disrupt, cripple and disable.

 

 

Sabotage can be external or internal:

i. it could be a third party  trying to throw a wrench into a goal or aspiration of another; or

ii.  it can be self-inflicted (self sabotage)

 

I would like to examine self sabotage, and also explore with you what we can do to nip it in the bud when it shows up in our lives......

 

Self sabotage gets in the way and slows down the goals we have set for ourselves as individuals both personally and professionally. Self sabotage affects the outcome or progress of a goal, such as losing weight, excelling in our job, exercising or ridding ourselves of bad habits.

 

Many of us believe in our goals, and that our lives will be enriched if we achieve them. 

The riddle here is -  why do we allow ourselves to be sidetracked from the path we have chosen for our self?  I mean, if we take the time and effort to set the goal in the first place and know that the outcome will be a positive one, why in the world would we do something to negatively affect or sidetrack the outcome we desire?

 

The answer is because we are human...we have flaws...beyond that, the true culprit of self sabotage may surprise you.

 

It's the ego. 

 

There are volumes written about this interesting phenomenon, but in order to keep this blog reasonable, I'll just say that the ego is a very complex mechanism that exists in all of us.  It feeds off of the need for external love, recognition, praise and acceptance from others, and often ignores the realities of logical thinking and taking responsibility for our actions at any given moment. 

As a result, self sabotage is caused by our ego assuming the role of authority, causing us to make unwise decisions or actions based upon core emotional needs and core beliefs that may contain false or misleading information. 

 

Suffice it to say that the ego is tied to our  emotional needs that began in our childhood and its influence will persist in us until we mature, recognize it for what it is, and address its effect on us properly.

 

The ability to suppress our internal desires (that our ego informs us we need) requires frank assessment, maturity and ultimately the understanding that we need to not only recognize those moments or situations  when the ego asserts influence, but be able to react to what is happening and take back the control needed to assure  we remain on track with the desired goals and aspirations in our life.

Self-sabotage is driven by impulses for immediate gratification, and is tied to our ego.  In order to end self sabotage, one needs to assess and know their core beliefs and values and keep them at the forefront of their life at all times. 

Take control of your ego, and you take control of your life. 

It's that simple ......... and that complicated.

For more information on this topic  I have provided several links below:

web sites:

www.becomeselfaware.com

 

www.selfgrowth.com

 

Book: Eckhart Tolle - A New Earth: Awakening to your Life's purpose

 

Feel free to email me with suggested future topics for this blog, or comments relating to the blog itself. Feedback is always appreciated!

 gregg.mason.rm@gmail.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Erase Self-limiting Beliefs!

"It's not who you think you are that holds you back; it's who you think you're not." ~Unknown

 

Self limiting beliefs are an interesting phenomenon because they come from within each of us and have no basis in fact-- just how we perceive our self and our abilities......

What are they, and how do they affect our life? 

A self limiting belief is a thought that comes from within.  They are internal doubts that put into question one's ability; they are affirmations to self that tells someone that they aren't good enough, smart enough or that they don't deserve success or that they can't accomplish those very things that need to happen in their life to assure positive outcomes and achieved goals.

People that I have dubbed "Confident Believers" rarely have these beliefs, and tackle each new day with thoughts and actions that confirm a very strong belief in themselves and their capabilities, as well as the belief that they deserve everything they have, or eventually will have in their lives.

In past articles I have written about 3 topics that come into play in this article -self-fulfilling prophecy, fear and how decisions determine our destiny.  This article incorporates those three topics and illustrates how interconnected many of the beliefs and attitudes we harbor on a daily basis affects our life.

 

“Unless you know where you are going then you will not know how to get there.”
― Stephen Richards

 

Each of us, whether it is formalized or not has created our very own  "Personal Plan".  Some of us may have everything in our professional and personal life chronicled to the minute details of what we desire to achieve personally, and the steps we need to take to get there, and we pause every so often to look at our score card.....others have have an excellent sense of what they want, and rely on their keeping those objectives at "front of mind" to get there without the formality...still others wake up every day and have a weak personal plan, which is to do nothing or little with the god-given talents they possess....they let life happen to them without focusing on those very things that they need to plan for and accomplish that will change their circumstances in all areas of their life from health to wealth.

 

“To grow, you must be willing to let your present and future be totally unlike your past. Your history is not your destiny.” — Alan Cohen

Regarding change ..... in order to grow, we all must be willing to accept the fact that life is ever-evolving, and therefore we must be willing to modify our knowledge base and our behaviors to accommodate that evolution.  Change is very hard for some people because it can put them out of their comfort zone and many people are comfortable with the "way things are" and  fear the unknown. 

 

The elimination of those perceptions of our self in our mind that hinder us is the key to eliminating the negative self-talk that limits our success, freedom and happiness.  There are methods available via books, web sites, tutorials and articles that can be employed when one catches them self in a negative self talk moment--these methods are designed to assist in ridding us of these types of thoughts. One I found called the "Sedona Method".  At the end of the article I have provided a link to their official site. 

 

Ultimately,  the belief in self that we ARE worthy of success, we ARE capable, we ARE deserving sets into motion a whole new world of opportunity!  Once you believe, in your heart of hearts, that YOU deserve in life what the "Confident Believers" have, you will begin to plan, you will begin to make choices one decision at a time, that leads you down the path towards success  you have envisioned for yourself.  Failures are an important part of success--expect them and embrace their lesson ---- for without this mindset and understanding,  failures can be devastating on morale and self confidence.

 

Self esteem is the reputation we acquire with ourselves.  Nathaniel Branden

Belief in yourself and making the decisions / taking the actions necessary to ultimately realize what it is you envision for yourself is a key element for enjoying more success and happiness in your life!

 

Link:           Sedona Method www.sedona.com

 

Please feel free to email me with your comments, stories, ideas or article or links to topics.

gregg.mason.rm@gmail.com

Enhance your Self Image and Self Esteem!

How do you perceive yourself?

 

It's a simple question, and I would bet  the trigger response elicited from many of you may be a quick, positive affirmation.

 

However,  sometimes the answer is not so simple....many of us are hyper-conscious of our outward appearance both physically and mentally, and to others we may appear friendly, outgoing, successful, helpful, confident and happy with ourselves and our life.  We tend to promote and accentuate our positive attributes when we are around others, especially in a social or business setting. 

 

What I am delving into here is the way we perceive our self......our true perception as to who, who really is that person that stands before us when we look deep into our eyes, our hearts and our souls in a mirror when no one is around.

What do you see?    Do  you see good and positive  things in yourself.....things like confidence, optimism, a positive outlook towards life,  a person that respects others and their beliefs,  a person that is well-rounded, friendly, happy with themselves and their place in life and a person that's is forgiving and appreciative of others and of the things around them?

 

Or do you see someone who may not fully believe in them self or their capabilities?  Are there bad and negative things in the reflection-- regret, disappointment, anger, jealously, vindictiveness, addiction, resistance, ineffectiveness, sadness or low esteem?

There may be things about you - your physical appearance, your habits, your job performance, your wealth, your relationships, your attitudes, your fears or your emotions that you want to improve upon.  I certainly know with myself there always is!  

 

Inwardly, are you too hard on yourself for not being the person you want to be and know you can be? Are you resistance to the changes that must happen within you to allow yourself to be that person?

There are steps we can all take to improve our self-image and self-esteem. These things can, in turn, improve other aspects of our lives like success in our career, relationships, and our health.

 

Here are a few examples of things you can do to stay positive and enhance your self image:

 

1. Focus on the good in yourself and others.

2. Spend time on improving yourself - create a well developed personal plan and goals for personal growth.

3. Avoid being too critical of yourself and others.

4. Reward your good deeds and actions.

 

5. Help someone that needs you - there is no bigger boost to self image than knowing you unselfishly helped someone.

6. Look on the bright side; be an optimist. There are enough pessimists out there! 

7. Realize you are human and mistakes will be made.  When they happen, avoid negative "self talk" and being too hard on yourself and instead learn from them.

Regardless of whether you already like yourself and are looking for ways to further improve yourself , or need a bit more work than that, applying sensible and achievable methods to enhance the way you perceive yourself is indeed a worthy and rewarding undertaking. 

 

 

 

 

Not only will you be happier with yourself, others will be happier with you as well.....simply stated, enhancing your self image will improve your life and make you happier!

 

Balance your life through Feng Shui

How many of you have heard of Feng Shui? If so, have you ever read about or applied the methods of this ancient philosophy practice in your own life? People that practice this philosophy swear by it.......in today's world many interior design experts and Realtors apply it.... on a personal note,  my wife practices it in our home. 

 

Feng Shui means "Wind and Water" and has its roots in China over 3,000 years ago.  It is a philosophy that millions of people around the world apply to their daily lives.

 

Many people believe in the power of good energy flow, and how it travels through structures, is retained and affects the occupants living or working there. This is the basis for Feng Shui.....many well known celebrities practice Feng Shui, including Bill Gates, Donald Trump, Johnny Depp, Richard Branson, Madonna and Steven Spielberg to name a few.

 

There are so many parts and nuances to this philosophy that it would take a large book or two to describe it all.....for the purposes of keeping this blog length reasonable, I'll give you the basics - simply put, a home that has been Feng Shui'ed, has the following:

 

Good Aesthetics - A home that applies Feng Shui is uncluttered, clean, flows well and feels good.

Balanced elements - There are 5 elements (Wood, Metal, Fire, Water and Earth) that are recognized in the Feng Shui philosophy and their placement is very important in applying Feng Shui -.  Depending on the room type and the location of the room, these elements are applied to the home using a Bagua Chart.

Outer matches your Inner - The living or working environment outwardly reflects what  it is one feels inside.

Qui/Chi - This is good versus bad energy flowing throughout a house  that can affect activity occurring within a home.  There are methods in Feng Shui that slow down fast moving or piercing energy to make the home more relaxing, pleasing to the eye and enjoyable.  The key to Feng Shui is increasing Chi or good energy.

Bagua Chart- This chart divides up our homes into sectors.  Each sector has an affect on different areas of our lives.  Career, Spiritual, Knowledge, Children, Good Fortune, Health, Marriage, Reputation and Wealth.

 

 

 

Correctly applied, it is believed by those practicing Feng Shui that their lives are enriched in the following ways:

 

• Increased wealth

• Better Marriages and Relationships

• Better Health

• Better Reputation

• Increased Knowledge

• Increased Happiness

 

 

 

Other popular elements of Feng Shui include Foo Dogs (placed at entry to protect the home), introduction of plants to divert or slow down the flow of  energy, a number of ceremonial figures and symbols that are placed in key sectors throughout the home, Yin/Yang and "Space Clearing", which eliminates existing/lingering negative energy in the home from prior occupants or prior negative energy from an argument or harmful incident.  Feng Shui can also be applied to other areas where you live your life..... garden/yard  areas, patios and offices.

 

For more information on this very interesting topic:

Web Sites

Lilian Too - considered the top Feng Shui Master  in the world.    http://www.lillian-too.com/

Katie Weber - US Based(Texas)  - writes the Red Lotus Letter http://redlotusletter.com/

 

Books

The Feng Shui Bible (Simon Brown)

Feng Shui your Life (Jayme Barrett)

Feng Shui for Dummies

Control your Destiny

 

"What you are is what you have been. What you'll be is what you do now"

Buddha

 

The decisions and actions that we made in our past define who, what and where we are today.

Reflect for just a moment...what did you do... say... think.... and act upon (or didn't act upon)  in the past that in aggregate defines you and your life today? 

Defines your current job or career?

Defines your current status and net worth?

Defines your current relationships?

Defines your current health?

We all share something in common in life...wherever we are and whoever we are, regardless of our age, our career, our status, our wealth, guess what? 

 

We all have the same amount of time in our day! 

And we all have some "should of,  could of , would of" moments in our life.....I believe it is important that we embrace those moments to reflect and learn from those past decisions, good or bad,  and use them as tools to apply to our present and future decisions.

 

Today, I simply suggest you to take a moment to use what you have absolute control over - your mind - to focus on the consequences of your  decisions,  planning, and actions today...and how those 3 things will  affect your life tomorrow.

 

It's never to late to alter areas in our life need improving in order  to make where we are tomorrow better than today.  We all have dreams and aspirations aligned with what we deem important in life, and time keeps on ticking..... so I encourage you to create or update your personal plan and take action today toward those aspirations and goals that you have set for yourself. 

 

No one else can do it for you.    It's all you.

 

 

Buddha was right...the "Current You" today is made up of your cumulative "yesterdays".

 Consistently applied, the "Future You" will be defined by the planning,  decisions and commitments you make today..... and every day hereafter.

Remember this... nobody can change the past chapters of their life, but starting right now we each have a unique and fantastic opportunity to change the rest of our personal and professional story! 

Fortune Cookies and the wisdom they contain

Today I decided I would blog about something fun....

Whenever I eat Chinese Food, I get a fortune cookie....I have been saving the fortunes I like for about 20 years, and once in a while I pull them out of my wallet and read them.

 

Thought I would share with you the history of the fortune cookie, and my favorite fortune's that I have accumulated over the years.

 

Fact No. 1:          

 

The fortune cookie did not originate in China - it was created here in the  good  'ol  USA!  There are several theories about exactly who created the cookie, but the common thread is all of the tales originate in San Francisco and occur in the period between the late 1800's and early 1900's.  The stories range from inserting thank you notes inside hard biscuits, to a hard flat cookie containing biblical references.

 

Ultimately, the cookie design, a flat piece of dough folded to secure the message prevailed and contained strips of paper inscribed with Chinese wisdom.

 

Fact No. 2:

 

The fortune cookie idea probably came from Chinese origin.  In China during the 13th and 14th centuries,China was occupied by the Mongols.   The Chinese people, desirous of a revolution to free themselves, hid messages inside moon cakes of the coming revolution date and handed these cakes out to revolutionaries in occupied cities.  These cakes were made out of Lotus nut paste, which the Mongols did not like.  The subsequent successful revolution formed the basis for the Ming Dynasty.   and the Chinese to this day celebrate the Moon Festival.  This celebration is associated with the largest full moon of the year and the fall harvest (much like Thanksgiving in America);  this moon cake tale adds an additional dimension and special meaning to this Chinese holiday for those who celebrate it.

 

Fact No. 3

 

Fortune cookies became standard fare in Chinese Restaurants in the 1940's.

 Enough trivia--  here are my absolute favorite fortunes that I have received over the years:

• "Admire those that succeed, and learn from their success"

• "Discontent is the first step in the progress of a man or a nation"

• "People may doubt what you say but they will believe what you do"

• "You will continue to take chances and be glad you did"

• "A partnership shall prove successful for you"

• "You are extremely generous and are always thinking of others"

• "You will do better in Real Estate than in stocks"

• "Today is a lucky day for those who remain cheerful and optimistic"

• "Opportunity knocks on your door every day.  Answer it."

• "Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed"

• "You will make a change for the better"

• "If a true sense of value is to be yours, it must come through service"

• "Let your reach exceed your grasp"

• "You will make a fortune with your friend"

 

By the way, I rarely eat the cookie.  I like the prize much better!

 

Have a great week!

  

Eliminate Worry to Increase Happiness in your Life!

“Never let the future disturb you. You will meet it, if you have to, with the same weapons of reason which today arm you against the present.”
― Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

Worry is thinking about future things that could go wrong in our lives.

I am guilty---I catch myself all the time worrying about things I have no control over, and more importantly, things that probably will never happen.

Why is this?  What is it in our psyche that causes us to needlessly worry about family, work, friends, finances, health, events or other circumstances in our lives?

As best as I can ascertain, people that worry do so  because they have a mindset that on occasion focuses on the negative...they focus on the things they don't want to happen versus focusing on the things they do want to happen.

By extension -- do those negative thoughts encourage those very things we worry about to actually manifest and happen in our lives?

 

Worry versus Concern

 

I want to make one quick distinction...is what you are thinking about a worry or a concern?  They are two very different things...concern is the more logical of the two...it is first and foremost a thought not an emotion, and requires real  knowledge of a situation, an understanding there may be a problem, and a analytical process to back it up.  Concern is followed by action or a thought-out solution to the issue.....worrying on the other hand is an emotion and has none of those elements.

Concerns are a natural part of our lives, and are valid and beneficial ...Worry is abstract and baseless and is invalid and harmful to us and those around us.

See the difference?  read on.....

 “Whatever is going to happen will happen, whether we worry or not.”
― Ana Monnar

Effects of Over-Worrying

Much like other emotions like fear, over-worrying can damage us both mentally and physically and is a big culprit in reducing our quality of life, optimism and happiness.

 

According to WebMD, worry affects sleep habits, can cause eating disorders, contributes to anxiety, stress and panic attacks and contributes to bad health habits such as overeating, smoking and the use of drugs and alcohol as external solutions to try to deal with the emotion. 

 

Worrying can also have a huge effect on relationships, self confidence and job performance.

How to change your mindset to eliminate worry

1. Live in the present and if you are thinking beyond today, apply logic to your thought process, set goals and have a well-designed plan for your future.

2. Deal with issues or problems as they surface, with action or effort, not worry or inaction.

3. If you catch yourself worrying mindlessly about future events, stop yourself by thinking or doing something in the present.

4. Ignore or discount the trivial things that do not matter to you or your life.

5. Write down those things that worry you, and objectively think them through, one by one.  By doing so, you disable the control those things have over you.

 

How would your life be different if…You stopped worrying about things you can’t control and started focusing on the things you can? Let today be the day…You free yourself from fruitless worry, seize the day and take effective action on things you can change.”

― Steve Maraboli

 

Overcoming Fear

Do not let your fears choose your destiny. ~ Unknown

Fear is a fact of life for most of us...whether we fear things like snakes, spiders, sharks, heights, airplanes, clowns....... or things more abstract like failure, change, social environments,  public speaking or certain situations,  fear can be overcome to enhance our lives and make us more successful at work, at home and at play.

This article focuses on the fear that causes inaction, sets up failure and limits our belief in our self and what we believe we can accomplish in life.

What is fear, and what causes it?

Fear is defined as "a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc..whether the threat is real or imagined." Synonyms include apprehension, dismay, dread, terror, fright and panic. (source Dictionary.com).  Basically, fear is a phobia.

Read the definition again...the part that sticks out to me is "real or imagined"  especially "imagined"....why is that?  Because many of our fears are just that...imagined! 

That being said, the reality is that the fear emotion (regardless if the cause is real or imagined) in our day to day lives is very real to those experiencing it, and as a result, our bodies react to it ...fear can trigger panic, anxiety, a desire to run away from it to avoid it.  Physically, fear can trigger a higher heart rate, sweating, and high adrenaline levels (Source: about.com).

So how does one determine whether the fear they are experiencing is real or imagined? How does one's reaction to the impending threat affect their decision making abilities and more importantly, how does someone turn this extremely strong emotion into an asset versus a liability?

To use fear as the friend it is, we must retrain and reprogram ourselves. We must persistently and convincingly tell ourselves that the fear is here–with its gift of energy and heightened awareness –so we can do our best and learn the most in the new situation.

Peter Williams

Fear limits our possibilities and opportunities in life because we want to stay in a "safe place"-- stay within our known surroundings where we are most comfortable and where no harm can come to us.

As a result, we may not take the risks associated with improving our lives, whether the fear relates to our recreation,our relationships or our careers.  Commiting to taking risks to do things that we are not comfortable doing shows courage,builds confidence,  makes us more productive, and expands our abilities and horizons in life.

"If you never ask, the answer is always "No"

Tackling fear and venturing into the unknown puts us in a heightened state of awareness and creates excitement.   When we do something that we initially had feared, there is substantial satisfaction because although initially we feared it, we decided the fear was not going to limit us, and we did whatever it was we were afraid of.......and survived it!   Not to say mistakes weren't made along the way, but the mistakes we make along the way teach us --they are definitely worth the experience!

Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy. ~Dale Carnegie

In order to grow we have to try new things--doing what we fear is exhilarating, builds courage, heightens our awareness and exposes us to new people, situations and experiences that otherwise we would never experience.

Don't limit what your can be by bowing to your fears.  Conquering our fears in life allows us to grow beyond what we ever imagined! 

 

The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one. ~ E Hubbard